Changes.

I dunno where i stand right now.. i dunno if i'm nervios or confuse or just fucked up!! I find myself doing things i said i'd never do... and i don't even enjoy them I only do them to see how bad and miserable I feel... i dunno why i do that.. make myself feel worst that i do... like it could make me feel better somehow... but it doesn't... it never does..
I don't to ruin what we have... i'm trying not to... but i have this feelings and thoughts that get in the way.. my selfdestructive nature...
will i get over it??
I hope im doing the right thing... i want to be with u but a big part of me wants to destroy everything.... but i feel great with what we have going... i enjoy being around u but at the same time... AHH!!! ... can somebody tell me what the hell I want?? I should write more... that would be helpfull.. but.. i can't get myself around it... find the time and moment... words have left me!!
I'll look 4 them and get back to u...